Friday, December 25, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
When I received my copy of Find Your Strongest Life, I read the reviews on the jacket first and became skeptical. I'm not a feminist by any means, but my first thought was how is a MAN going to teach me a WOMAN how to have a strong life, to discover the role I was born to play. I had never heard of Marcus Buckingham until Michael and Gail Hyatt started twittering excerpts from his book. It was time to choose my next book for the Thomas Nelson: Book Review Bloggers and I was curious as to what Marcus Buckingham had to say that could affect my life. I only recognized two names on the book jackets back cover; Deborah Norville and Robin McGraw. I admire these ladies, so I figured this book couldn't be all that bad. I'm also reading this book during a time of desert wandering in my spiritual life and I know that God actually chose this book for me, not my curiosity. So how did I like this book.............
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
"Trust God." "He knows your needs and will provide." "Read Psalm such and such..." "Read and claim his promises." I have said these words to many friends going through financial difficulties over the years. Some even in the last few months. I have told them that God will provide when it is in His timing. I have even told them I will be praying for you and I do. For the first time in my life I am now the one hearing those words aimed at me. For the first time in my Christ-following life, I am having to rely on God more than ever.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
I sent a text message to my sisters and daughter that said:
"I hope y'all are having a better day than me. My calendar alert reminded me this am it is Nanny's Birthday. I was flooded with memories, remembering the good times with her & Papa. Love you guys. Remember to treasure every moment with your family no matter how much they may disappoint you. Remember to turn those times over to God & let Him take care of it."
My family hasn't been perfect. There have been things that have happened in the past that many have not forgiven others for, me included. Unfortunately my grandfather developed Alzheimer's Dementia before I could tell him I forgave him. I also didn't get a chance to ask for forgiveness, forgiveness for neglecting them. I lived only 2 hours away and rarely went to see them, because of unforgiven hurts. I told him years later, I just pray that God let my words be understood. I did get a chance to tell Nanny before she died & I think she understood.
Today God spoke to me about treasuring every moment with my family and let Him take care of the hurts. My family is spread out where it makes getting together difficult, but I have determined that some way I will see my family at least once a year, preferably more often. This is going to be especially important to me when my son and his fiancée leave for Mali, West Africa in a few years.
My plans now are to find ways to make memories with my family, treasure every moment I get to spend with them and talk to them. And most importantly ask them to forgive me for anything I have done that has hurt them and to forgive them for the things they have done that I have let hurt me. I don't want to feel regret the next time a member of my family goes to be with the Lord. (Hopefully this will be many years away so I can make many memories for us.) I'm also going to challenge my family to write down their treasured memories to put in a family book. I hope that this will be a treasure that will continue to grow every day.
TREASURE THE MOMENTS. Don't let hurts and disappointments stand in the way.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Even though we may look different, come from different social backgrounds, different economic backgrounds, we all still the same. We have our own way of doing things and on occasion we let our "unmentionables" slip for others to see whether by accident or on purpose.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Though we may not be able to see his purpose or his plan, the Lord of heaven is on his throne and in firm control of the universe and our lives. So we entrust him with our future. We entrust him with our very lives. (emphasis mine)Lucado wrote this book in 2006 and couldn't be better for today with the uncertainty many of us have regarding our future. Lucado reminds us to trust the very ONE who knows what is best for us at any given time in our life and how our future will turn out. He reminds us to keep our eyes on the Father and that Satan can be used to do the work of heaven. I love the way Lucado ended the book with a prayer for troubled times.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
The story below will publish in Scrubs Magazine at sometime. It wasn't until I decided to post it on my blog that I realized I had left out an important part of my journey. A journey that hopefully will allow God to work through me to help other victims of rape & molestation and to inspire others to lose the weight that is shortening this wonderful life God has given each and every one of us.
My journey starts when I was 9 years old. My mother decides to start working which left me to care for my three younger sisters, clean and cook meals. My dad was a strict man then. The meal had to be hot when it was put on the table and consisted of a meat, potatoes or rice, two vegetables, milk gravy and homemade biscuits. He never had anything good to say about my cooking and my sisters followed his example. So I decided if no one liked what I cooked, I did and I would eat it myself. I continued this pattern through my adult life. There were very rarely leftovers in my home.
Added to this was an incident of molestation by a relative and then our landlord and the hotel janitor in Naples, Italy, and being raped by my boyfriend as my going away present (daddy was being transferred back to the states). In the mid to late 70's the woman was still the criminal in rape cases, although the courts and DA's were starting to see the woman as the victim in rape. But for a 14 year old girl all I could think was fat woman don't get raped. So along with my lack of support for my cooking and the fear of men, made sure that I would never be raped again by getting fat. Many years later as I began to deal with these issues, I soon realized that rape isn't a crime of passion but a crime of control. So size, age, gender, etc doesn't matter to the rapist or molester. With God's help I have forgiven each and everyone of these offenders. My weight problem didn't show up till after I married, but the fears were still there and every time I began to lose weight and other men looked at me I would put the weight back on.
When I realized my weight was becoming a problem I started trying all the diets available. I did Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem, High protein/low carb, Grapefruit diet, you name it I tried it. Each diet failed because I was suffering from bulimia (non-purging). During the day I did what I was supposed to do and when the kids and husband went to bed I would find more to eat. I justified my eating that it was not junk food, but “healthy food”. In 1995 I had reached 360 pounds on a 5’3” frame. I decided then to go to a bariatric physician to try phen-phen. What a mistake! For the 3 months I used phen-phen I lost 40 pounds, but increased my heart rate to over 200 bpm with minimal exertion and my systolic blood pressure up by 30 points. I tried to tell the physician that 130/90 was too high for me since my norm was usually 96/60. But she said I was fine and handed me a prescription and never looked up from her desk or examined me. I decided then to stop taking the meds. In two weeks I still had no appetite but gained the 40 pounds back.
I went to my PCP and told him what was happening. An echo cardiogram revealed I had supra ventricular tachycardia (SVT). So heart meds were begun and because of the beta blockers I needed a diuretic to combat the edema. My PCP then tried me on Meridia, with no success. My blood pressure started to rise again and he said I was headed for pulmonary hypertension. My only hope was to exercise and decrease my calories. I already knew that was out of the question. But a friend at church invited me to a group called “Weigh Down”. I liked what it taught and thought I could stick to this eating plan. And 100 pounds later I sabotaged myself and went back to my old ways. The only difference is I had learned when to stop so I didn’t put the 100 pounds back on. That was in 1997.
In 2006, while visiting my parents I was awaken by a pain in my chest that felt like someone was squeezing my heart and trying to rip it out of my chest. As long as I was still the pain was not too bad. If I moved it got worse. We did not go to church with my parents but decide to come back home. Yes I know I should have gone to the ER not home, but I was in denial. I went to my PCP that week. The next week I went for a thallium stress test. The test revealed a spot on my heart so I was set up with the cardiologist for a cardiac cath in two weeks. The Friday before I was to see the doctor, I was at a local hospital admitting a patient onto hospice services. While I was finishing up the paperwork I felt my left arm go numb, chest pains, nausea, and diaphoretic. I, as a nurse, knew what was happening. But I did not want to be seen by the ER at that hospital. So I finished my paperwork and drove the two miles home. By the time I got home I was feeling better so I told my husband I was tired and wanted to go out to dinner. An hour later as we were about to pay the check the pains, nausea, etc all came back. I handed my husband the keys and said “Let’s go to the ER now!” At the ER it took three hours to find and IV and it was not the best in the world. It was a 22g in the shoulder. The ER physician came in and told me that I needed a port-a-cath because according to my stress test I would be back frequently. The three hours scared my husband and me, he did not know what was happening and I was not getting the drugs needed to stop the pain due to no IV site. They sent me to the cardiac ward of our hospital set to have a cardiac cath on Monday. All weekend I had chest pains until Sunday night I felt something pop (only way to describe how it felt) and no more chest pains. All night and morning the nurses tried to get 20g or 18g IV’s started with no success. So the physician told then to stop and they would use my femoral artery if needed. I never prayed so hard that it would not be needed. I went for my cath, watched my heart light up as pretty as I had ever seen on a cath picture. The cath was clear, perfect heart. God had healed my heart and sent me a warning that I needed to do something about my weight.
The week after I was released from the cardiologist, I went to our bariatric surgeon and started researching gastric bypass. I had the choice of gastric bypass or lap-band. I chose gastric bypass because it was permanent, lap-band had a back door; I could have it removed if I did not like the after effects. It took one year to go through all of the needs for the surgery. I found out I had sleep apnea and had to go on BiPAP. I had to see a psychiatrist to make sure that mentally I was ready. I had to get clearance from my cardiologist and PCP. Then you had to go through classes and support groups through the surgeon’s office.
September 11, 2007 was D-Day. Surgery went well. I was supposed to go home the next day, but I did not follow the rules. I did not drink enough for the first day. This turned out to be a good thing because that night I went into A-fib and had to go to ICU for a cardizem drip. Eight hours later I got to go back to the floor and then got to go home. My weight on the day of surgery was 270 pounds. Today 2 years later I now weigh 155 pounds and wear a size 8. I have not seen size 8 ever, so to be here is a thrill. I gauge my weight by my BMI and not what the scale or my clothes size says.
It has not been an easy two years, but a rewarding one and wish I had done this years ago. The hand full of cardiac meds I use to take I no longer need. I have more energy now than ever before. I still have 25 more pounds to go to get my BMI below 25. I’m at 28 right now. I also have not been the model patient either. One of the side effects that you wish for is dumping syndrome. When you eat something you should not and you want to dump you quickly learn never to touch that food again. You also learn to chew your food well and to eat slower because the pain of overloading the pouch. I tried my favorite food Krispy Kreme donuts. For the next 20 minutes I wish I was dead and God was not taking me fast enough. I have no desire to touch Krispy Kreme donuts ever again.
My weight loss slow down is now due to my love for sweet tea and sugar in my coffee. The one thing I wish I had dumping syndrome over, I don’t. So I know have to learn to be a “normal human” and increase my caloric output to compensate for the added input. In hate water, flavored water is the worst. I make sure that my tea and coffee are decaffeinated and I am working on decreasing the amount of sugar I put in them. It is a slow process, when a southern born and bred girl was raised on sweet tea.
With all of the episodes of dumping syndrome, and yes I do still get them sometimes it takes a 2X4 to teach me to do the right things, and the complications after surgery I would go through the surgery again. I only take vitamins and a hormone patch now. I eat when I am hungry and only eat 4-8 ounces depending what I am having. That feels me up and I am satisfied for 3-4 hours. I have found a love of exercising through the Wii Fit and have lost 4 pounds with it.
Gastric Bypass surgery is only a tool to help you lose weight and not a miracle weight loss solution. I have seen people who had the surgery and are putting the weight back on. You have to follow the rules to lose the weight and to keep it off. That I am learning now and working on the stay off sugar part. Foods that I thought I would miss I do not. At holidays I still have pie or cake, I just have a very small piece, usually a bite off my husband’s piece and only if I’m not already full. Food does not rule my life anymore. Buffets and parties are not scary. Even if I take more than I can eat, I do not have the need to clean my plate, I would dump if I tried. And I hate dumping. For me this was the best present I ever gave myself. Oh and the best part, MY VEINS CAN BE FOUND AND ACCESSED NOW, one stick!
I also praise God that I don't fear the catcalling of men any more. I know how to protect my self if attacked again, and know that how I look didn't have anything to do with the attack. I have been able to let a few guys become close friends once again, guys that I look up to as mentors, brothers, and good friends. That accomplishment has taken many years and counseling to get to.
Monday, January 5, 2009
- Blog about my experiences or whatever God leads me to share at least weekly.
- Set up a reading list of inspirational books from different genres & read at least 1 hour/day.
- Read at least 1 blog/day.
- Journal on what God reveals to me through the books & blogs, share as God leads me.